idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
