is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
