he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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