my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
