Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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