dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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