I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
