The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
