Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
