You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
