Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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