his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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