Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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