not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
