i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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