Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
