that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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