i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
