***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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