so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize