Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
