Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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