Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
