I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
