bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
