He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
