He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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