the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
