I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
