omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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