I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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