I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
