I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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