Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
