great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
