I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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