someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
