you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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