when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
