Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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