Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
