I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
