He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
