glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
