walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
