We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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