stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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