So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A+ Viking dick
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