If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
