And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize