do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
