My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
