Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
