All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
