I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
