my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
