We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
