I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
