Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
