first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize